les halles-let hills blog!

Upon reading this review, i mmeidately knew it would be less boring than most of wods' blogs. That was because in addition to hillary, who for some reason,the critic has finally decided to identify (RIP my jokes demanding that he do so), Littman joined in. Litman is the funnier, cooler roommate of Wods. Rumor has it Wods has a Littman poster in his room. and who can blame him-Matt works for the food network! Anyhow, i was glad to see that Matt joined in for this dinner, because i figured he'd spruce the blog up to some degree. By the way,if you read wods blog, check out the super creepy gray haired guy in the picture. Kind of an odd choice. Looks like one of those stock photos financial companies use in their prospectus.

Escargot notes-A decent description, but my hope for less corny jokes was not answered. The only thing more awkward than the "e-card" joke (referring to litmans first time eating escargot) is the image of wods, hills and littman three way high fiving after this joke was originally made. Jews just give the most awkward high fives ever. If you don't believe me , pull out your bar mitzvah tape.

Saumon D’Ecosse Fumé notes- I guess this will be a very jewish centric blog. Somehow the critic compares jewish food to french food. A more random comparison has not been made since people compared the indian guy from harold and kumar to the indian guy from slum dog millionaire. Despite this, the actual description of the dish was going well until the critic felt the need to pull out the uber-gay "wow department" line. I've never heard of the wow department in real life,but I'd imagine it's right around the corner from the jerk store.

Steak Tartare notes-For once the critic gives us a decent section with no fluff or bullshit that no one cares about. This is how moses most have felt,after all his work, leading the jews to israel. Maybe the critic has turned the corner here. Excellent hand job reference. Well done.

Filet De Boeuf Béarnaise notes- Now I know how Julia Goolia feels about her husband, Glen Goolia in The Wedding Singer. She knows Glen has some issues,but every time he shows a ray of hope,she clings to it and thinks he's turned the corner. Similarly, every time wods shows a ray of potential, I get excited and think he's finally become a good blogger. I guess this section is the equivalent of Glen consistently cheating and eventually sucker punching the wedding singer (Robbie Hart). Glen is what he is,and as a blogger wods is what he is. Disappointing. I only hope this doesn't end with Wods being punched in the face by Billy Idol.

duck notes-I'm really starting to think Hillary should write the blog. She's a MUCH better blogger than wods. Her descriptions are better, her humor is better, this section really shows wods for the amature that he is. Kudos to hills for telling us why the duck is not good. Kinda ironic. I wonder if they got in a fight because Hills had a complain about Wodstein's latest obsession/ wet dream.

all in all, i'd say this blog is "fair", and would recommend reading it if you're really really bored.

Gramercy Tavern-I have the inside track!!

you will note as i publish this, wods has not yet posted his gramercy tavern review. Through unnamed sources (I can play that game too) I have obtained a copy of his "draft." Though he has unfortunately rebuked my efforts, I have decided to publish my notes as well. let's see if he takes any of my advice,or just publishes his normal dreck. In an e mail to my source, he noted "it needs a lot of work". Well, at least one thing he said today was correct.

Here it is:

Gramercy Tavern…Classic American Tavern at its best

With high expectations my date and I met for lunch at this elegant gramercy locale. Restaurant week is one of those rare opportunities where you have the ability to try the best restaurants in NYC for a fraction of the cost; we were not disappointed. Gramercy Tavern is the reason that Restaurant week exists. It’s this kind of place that opens it doors to the less fortunate (or people don’t wanna spend an arm and a leg to eat a good meal) for two weeks out of year and it lives up to the hype. The restaurant’s décor had a warm and inviting feeling not as uncomfortable and snooty as many top restaurants can come across. The walls were lined with old wood pillars similar to an early American horse stable; Antiques of all kinds were found throughout the historic landmark building.

What I’d change: Kind of seems like he’s sucking up to this place. Reading this I think of the young freshman girl desperately seeking the approval of the sr guy. I’m just saying.


APPETIZERS

Sunchoke Salad
Apples, Walnuts and Cured Pork

Not what I expected but quite good none-the-less This salad was light and delicious. The pork came sliced thin- almost air like and was sitting a top the salad. The dressing was not overwhelming and blended will with the flavors of the apples and sunchokes and the spiced walnuts added a great kick. I felt good after this dish- not too full but perhaps a little envious of my dining partner who had ordered the Papardelle.

What I’d Change: To book reportish. Add a joke. Where is Hillary’s enthusiasm? This section is busy trying to decide if it wants to be too short or too boring.


Lamb Pappardelle
Olives, Lemon Confit and Beet Greens

Thick long tubes of al dente pappardelle (AKA Large Fettucine) noodles lay beneath a bed of thinly sliced black olives and lemon confit. This dish easily dwarfed my usual workday lunch of Boards head honey turkey from the Amish Market. The Small pieces of braised lamb rested atop the tubes of the large fettuccine noodles. The light meaty flavors from the lamb contrasted nicely with the rich, full-bodied flavors of the oversized pasta. I would highly recommend getting this dish.

What I’d Change: Nice amish market mention. I do like that place. Good description as well. The editor must have written this part.

ENTREES

Braised Shoulder of Lamb
Cabbage, Salsify and Turnips

Delicious. I was definitely not the jealous counterpart when this dish arrived at the table. The Lamb came as a circular cut of meat served in the center of a shallow bowl. The cabbage, salsify and turnips surrounded the meat and the plate looked inviting. I did not hesitate, with the first bite the meat fell apart (in a good way). It was soft and tender and the flavors were only enhanced by the sauce and surrounding accoutrements. Both the salisfy and turnips were tasty although the cabbage didn’t do much for the dish. The meat was a decent sized portion only left me wanting more because of how good it actually was (and maybe because I ordered a salad to start). I would go back and order this dish without hesitation.

What I’d change: I think I made this joke before, but sometimes Bronstein’s writing makes me think he wants to have sex with his food. Per Meghan;s Law, Bronstien needs to register as a sex offender in certain restaurants (especially when spinach is around). Ps I don’t condone rape. Just TV shows that try to get serious by having a main character get raped (90210, others). Highly comical.

Roasted Hanger Steak
Braised Flat Iron steak, Black beans and Swiss Chard

I was a little hesitant to order two red meats in one sitting, but I was confident that my arteries could handle such a feat. Hindsight is always 20/20. Immediately, I regretted my decision. I’ll admit when I make a bad decision and this was one of them. The lunch pre fix had tons of great options that were circulating through my head when I took one look at the undercooked hanger steak. Three slices of rare and ultra rare hanger steak staring right up at me, just waiting to be sent back. Unfortunately, I was not man enough on this day and didn’t wanna be “that guy” to complain about every little detail. I managed to eat around the undercooked pieces and still enjoyed the meal.


What I’d Change: Good points about the steak. I am not surprised to hear you complain though. Seeing that every hangar steak you’ve ever cooked is tough as nails.

DESSERT

Warm chocolate bread pudding with Cacao Nib Ice Cream

MMMMMMMAmazing. Warm, gooey, chocolatey and just incredible. A chocolate lovers wet dream. Sweet flavors bursting everywhere on this one. The texture of the bread pudding was mooshy and was covered in warm melted chocolate morsels that just melted in your mouth. I am salivating while writing this. This dessert went perfectly with a cup of freshly brewed Ethiopian coffee. However, it may be too rich for just one person, so I would recommend sharing.


What I’d change: Looks like wods also needs to register as a sex offender around chocolate. This guy just likes food way too much. It’s creepy. And not the good kind of creepy either. This is like William H. Macy in Fargo Creepy.


Overall, I loved everything about this place (except for the slightly undercooked hanger steak) and would come back whenever I get a chance. This is the perfect place to go if your family is in town or for a special occasion dinner.


Overall I am bugged out to call this food sex-guy my friend. This book report was not fun. I’d prefer to see Hillary take over from here. Hills, if you did contribute to this, don’t let Wods influence you. You’ve got some talent.

I leave you with this criticism from a former j spot fan: awful. its like he writes just for hillary. i couldn't think he could get much worse but he did. im not quite sure what he is going for. I gave up reading after the apps bc it was so boring.
I'm pretty sure that's not good.

Restaurant Review Rating Scale

Total Points Available
Food 9 10

Service 9 10

Ambiance 9.5 10

Bang for the Buck 8 10

Overall 9 10

44.5 50



42 E. 20th St., New York, NY 10003
nr. Park Ave. South
212-477-0777

Kittichai-Hillary is a better blogger than wods, hands down

This was a nice treat. We get to see the critic,and his beau Hillary, who I suppose he's decided to identify ( Thank god, this case almost made america's most wanted) compare notes and go head to head for a little blogging comparison. I should note i was at KittiChai for Stan's birthday last week and watched wod's construct a blog. I must say it was like having a front row seat to watch Michaelangelo paint the Sistine chapel. Only the exact opposite. Oh well.

as an intro, wods was right. the decor was enjoyable, and unfortunately, the Waiter was a bit subar to start off. In his defense he had to deal with a drunk/ somewhat bored Reiko-a combination so horrible hasn't come along since puff daddy tried to remix that led zeppelin song and put it in "Godzilla." Almost as awkward a combo was fatty sippping donw a cosmo. Farse times indeed.

Reviewing the critics reviews, I must say, he wasn't way off on his reviews. BUT, his selctions were not good. He just chose all the wrong things. I haven't fully decided if this speaks volumes about his "overall food expertise" or if he just made some unfortunate choices. but i will tel you, the dishes I ordered are the ones he tasted and raves it about with such jealousy that conjures up images of OJ watching ron goldman and nicole brown together (I can't even SEE the line anymore)

I kind of feel this review was a cop out. sorta boring, nothing really worth noting,bad dining choices,and adopted the herd mentality of not being impressed. Part of me expected the critic to force himself to like this place, a la Scallini Fedelli,especially since it was his choice. Overall, the blog just didn't do it for me-i could have used more details and more jokes. especially since the conversations at the meal were quite flavorful. Let's hope Hills does better.......




Hilary's review-

Well, our wish was granted., At first glanced,it seems Hillary is everything Wods is not as a blogger. Excited, joyful, some what novice,and detailed, without getting into too much detail. I would ABSOLUTELY check out her review. I think it;s a more relevant and accurate review, seeing that she ordered the right things,and doesn't whine about her courses. she also does a really nice job of describing the atmosphere of the restaurant, something the critic often fails to do in trying to impress us with random cooking stats. When reading about the "interactive" tuna tartare , i found myself nodding in agreement. Now THIS, is change we can believe in!!! Also, it;s not weird when a girl uses the word scrumptious. I'm just saying.
My only immediate complaint, is, after being hidden form us for so long., I'd love to see Hillary name her dining partners. That's not a trait she should pick up from Wods.

Overall, i was very happy with Hillary's review. It was choc full of excitement,and didn't talk down to you or bore you. A very strong effort. during a conversation with Hillary today, i was not surprised to learn she composed the Piola review-the last J spot review i enjoyed. Wods could learn a lot from her.

The Smith-not a bad effort

At first I though this was another version of Penelope's a neighborhood jaunt that everyone's been too. But then I realized that I was incorrect,and many people have not been here. For the first time in possibly 6 or 7 reviews, the critic has picked a place that might be worth your time! Well done, sort of. This place actually is amazing,and living a mere 6 blocks away, I often frequent it. But then again, you're not reading this to read my thoughts on food, you're reading to watch me rips on wods. I mean, review wods' reviews. Same difference.

As I begin to make my way through this review, I find myself chuckling at Wods joke about Jewish girls. It may not be that funny,but it's the critic's best attempt at humor since Wheezer was popular. Or so it seems.

Before I begin reviewing Wods' opinion of the dishes, i'm sorry, I just can't let this go. "For some reason, this reminded me of a place that would be in Sex and the city (not that I have watched the show and/or the movie, and if so…I ADMIT TO NOTHING AND NEVER WILL!!!" I don't know about you,but to me, this seems like the biggest indictment of Sex and the City Watching known to man kind. In fact, reports from some of the girls claim that "Sex and the City the movie" was playing during the since infamous "Girls Night In", where bronstein cooked white asparagus for like 17 girls. He could not be reached for comment at this time.

Potato Chips/ Blue Cheese Notes: I don't have too many jokes here. I've had these Chips, and they are quite good. The one joke i could make would probably make me lose some friends. So I'll bite my tongue. (im me if you want to know it).

Mac N' Cheese Notes: The critic claims this wonderful dish (for which he feels the need to say "marone") was the "first to be eaten and the first to be finished". Maybe I'm missing something,but don't those 2 imply the same thing? If something isn't finished,is it ever really eaten? Wouldn't that be sampled,or tasted? Maybe if the critic wasn't so busy compiling his "homosexual thesaurus" (anothers words. not mine) he'd have a real thesaurus and make a bit more sense here. Just a thought. The mac n cheese is good,but maybe not good enough to shout "marone".

Potato Waffle-in the most shocking development since "The English Patient" winning some academy awards, the critic skips spinach!!! really-spinach was on the menu and he ordered something else. I literally re-read that sentence like 5 times to make sure i was right. Now I'm just scared we've reached the apocalypse. I don't know what to make of this no spinach at a meal for wods. That's like Reiko not wearing his flava flav clock to the big easy sr year of college. It just seems wrong.

Overall, this review was pretty good,and I WOULD RECOMMEND reading it. I'd also recommend the Smith. Get the French Toast though-it's incredible. After the first good blog since Obama was elected, let's see if the critic can make it two in a row.

Or at least go one night without his beloved Sex and The City/ Will and Grace Combo.

MetroCafe and Wine Bar- a diner. At least it's not in Queens.

Those of you have consistently read my blogs (and from early reaction,a lot of you do-thanks!!!) know that lately I have grown frustrated with the critic's uninspired reports and poor choice of places to review. Neither of those unfortunate trends ended with this blog. I mean, come on. A diner? You're reviewing a diner? How good could it have been? It's open 24/7. How is knowing about a random diner ever going to do me any good. I expect better than this. i don't bore my readers with every insignificant detail of my day. I expect better than this. you all deserve it. I'm serious about this. (Well, not really that serious,but it'd be nice to see a change)

I will say I enjoyed reading about this diner's wine selection. It was detailed,yet no weird or corny attempts at humor were thrown in. I'm gonna go ahead and assume either litman or Hillary wrote this part.

Appetizer notes: A good description,but draws on for too long. Could have been a lot shorter. also could have done without this line: The meat on the spare rib was a little tough and didn’t come off the bone easily, but I was confident that every little morsel of meat would be in my mouth by the end of the night". Between the fact that this kid has his own food blog,AND can't wait to customize his kitchen......i mean.....well, I won't even go there.

Chicken Francaise notes: "Nothing about this dish was spectacular" says the critic. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about this blog.

Steamed Filet of Salmon Notes: This is actually a well constructed paragraph. Not too little, not too much. No weird references. It's a shame it was wasted on a diner on 21st street.

I guess really that's my issue with this blog. In the eyes of many (not just me, but many who pointed this out to me) this blog serves little purpose. It just seems rushed,and forced. I guess those 2 things sort of mean or imply the same thing. This is very disappointing. I can't in good conscious recommend you read this review. I hope my sad tone gets across.

You know you're blog needs improvement if.....

Ok, so as you may be able to tell, I've grown a bit frustrated with the critic and his choices/ blogs lately. I guess I'm disappointed because although I've offered constructive, worthwhile criticism. Yet the blogs, for the most part, still stink. In an attempt to help the critic out, I've decided to steal a page from Jeff Foxworthy and compose a short "you know your blog needs improvement if...."

1. You know your blog needs improvement if you order the same 3 things over and over again yet somehow find a new way to talk about how amazing they are.

2. You know your blog needs improvement if your vocabulary is compared to a homosexual thesaurus.

3. You know your blog needs improvement if you start reviewing every single meal you eat, including random lunches and diners.

4. You know your blog needs improvement if your readership declines more than the stock market over the last 6 months.

5. You know your blog needs improvement if people begin openly wondering and questioning when you will start blogging better

6. You know your blog needs improvement if you've written 19 blogs and still refuse to name your dining partners.

7. You know your blog needs improvement if you only have 3 blog types with different words 1) This well known amazing place is amazing, 2) I am a "critic" and will tell you why this tiny little place you've never heard of is SO MUCH BETTER than every other little place you've never heard of and 3) This well known place was over rated because the waiter didn't give me a blow job". That's it. 19 blogs and they've all been in one of those 3 formats. Not good times.

8. You know your blog needs improvement if you openly gush over your man crush on your blog (Mario Battali, Bobby Flay, and some guy from top chef.)

9. You know your blog needs improvement if one of oyur good friends feels the need to critique your blog because it needs such improvement.

10. You know your blog needs improvement if you review a place in Queens!!!!! I mean, ^%&^^ Queens!!!

Trattoria L' Incontro-Queens??????

Queens??????? The critic is reviewing a restaurant in fucking queens???? What,.did he run out of diners and fast food restaurants to review in manhattan? Nothing against Queens,but this is just ridiculous. I apologize if you're reading this from Queens,but trust me, I know 90% of the people who read wods blog,and i knwo for a fact almost none of them would venture to Queens simply on one "foody's" recommendation. The critic's blog is falling apart faster than Jennie Garth's career. I refuse to review a blog about fucking queens.

Piola-more is less!!!

Ok, now we're on to something Wods!!! I think I have found Wods' calling. Rather than go on and on with these ridiculously long,and sometimes boring reviews, keep it short and to the point. He even threw in a few jokes. And best, he didn't try to find "a diamond in the rough", one of my pet peeves as a blogger, but took a suggestion from a friend. I think this is really Wod's formula to success.

In fact, the dishes sound nice,the review is short,and there isn't much for me to make fun of. I actually really liked this review. Probably bc it was short, Wods didn't try too hard, and didn't use lots of gay vocabulary. Maybe he was on to something with those blurbs he was writing before. Maybe more is less. This is nice-short and simple. And no meatballs!! Of course there's spinach, no way we could see a meal without either of those. That's just be weird.

Anyhow, I say read Josh's review and go to this place. It seems good. Well done critic. Let's see if he can keep it up.

Scalini Fedeli

A few weeks ago a bunch of us got together for Hillary's birthday. It was a very nice time, and the memories were ones we'll treasure forever (or not). One thing I remember is my girlfriend Amanda coming up to me and saying "Bronstein is blogging about this place they went to dinner tonight-you're not gonna like his review at all,and will probably tear him apart." As I've learned in 2 years, Amanda (I'm not afraid to say my girlfriend's name in blogs) is usually right,and she was right on the money with her drunken comments that snowy night. I have several complaints with the critics review, and we'll get to them all in due time.
First, the bathroom situation. Listen, if you read this review, and I'd recommend that you do (rhyme alert!!)- you can identify with the critic,and with good reason. No one wants to walk in to a bathroom that resembles Beta Sig's wing bathroom. But to judge any restaurant by their bathroom, and hold it so such a high degree when judging an establishment seems a little silly and short sighted. Who knows, maybe they have a bathroom attendant come in every 20 minutes and someone had puked in the interval. I don't think it's fair to obsess over the dirty bathroom like a viewer of Fox's 24 obsesses over figuring out where they know that actor from (be it Billy Walsh, Rudy, or my personal favorite, Kumar as a muslim terrorist). Come on critic, you're better than this.

Reading this review, I was kind of confused. It seems based on reputation,and some dishes, the critic wanted to LOVE this place. But I can't help but feel he was more confused than Real world brooklyn Transvestite Katelynn. I just wasn't sold he really loved this place as much as he claims to. I think he really wanted to love it,but couldn't quite get there (i base this on comments he makes, not my own intuition.)

Soft Egg Yolk Ravioli notes: Well, this dish sounds weird,but tasty. But what was really weird and disturbing even, was the review. I really think there's a good chance Wodstein wants to have sex with his food. Is that legal in new york? I'm not sure,but I'll tell you what-I'd be hesitant to order this dish because I'd be afraid bronstein would show up, see it,and try to have sex with it in front of me. That's not good for anybody.

Pappardale notes-well, this seems really good. and the review is good too. Perhaps for once the critic has taught us something. But don't get too excited Josh-even MTV's bromance is entertaining every now and then. (boy i watch a lot of mtv)

Braised short ribs notes-Again a good dish, (although not perfect, per the critic), and a decent review. But I need to get this off my chest. The critic's refusal to name his dining partner has become the most annoying gimmick since "who let the dog's out".

Overall, I'm still just not sure if this is a "top" restaurants as Wod's insists. He doesn't gush over it,and doesn't seem to want to fuck the owner (though he would fuck the egg yolk ravioli). I kind of compare it being a top tier restaurant to Mike Modano making the all star game. It's jsut name recognition only. for my female reader's, it's like that talentless bitch Angelina Jolie winning awards (she doesn't deserve them,but everyone know who she is and at this point she's just getting by on name only. Well name,and her 7 kids from 6 different countries. She's the Shawn Kemp of international babies.)


Overall, I'd read this review,but go to this potentially overpriced restaurant at your own risk.