malaga-good advice, poor writing

Question: Can anyone think of an actor/athlete/celebrity who tries harder then bronstein does in his blog? I really can't. I sat and stared at my computer like a stoner stares at his hands trying to figure out how they got so big. And the truth is, I've got nothing. And I think that's my main beef here. The critic has some good thoughts,but tries too hard to be corny or funny or some odd combination of both. He also thinks just because he lived in Spain for a few months and likes food that he's a "spanish food expert.". That's almost as silly as if Sarah Palin claimed she had a lot foreign policy experience just because Alaska is kind of near Russia. Oh wait.....
I'm also slightly concerned with the critics opinion towards Spanish food. Both in earlier blogs and in personal conversations, the critic claims "this place has the most authentic spanish food, I would know." Josh, eventually, every phrase becomes played out. I would know-I rode "sorry man, i'm real fucked up" through half of college before people started catching on.

Patatas Bravas: I've been to Barcelona and I like food as well,so I feel I'm just as qualified to disuss these as he is. He actually does a nice job in his description. He tells me what patatas braves should be like,and how they matched up. BUT he turns me off by going on and on about his own futile attempts at making good patatas bravas-based on things hes cooked for me before, I'd say McLovin has a better chance of getting laid.

Fried Chorizo notes: This review is literally only two sentences. What the fuck? ESPN "Dream Job" winner Mike Hall's career was longer than this.

Shrimp in Garlic Sauce: For the 6th time the critic tells us he's an avid spanish food lover. Have you ever heard of a thesaurus?

Chicken Villaroy Notes: This paragraph really sums up my complaints with this review perfectly. He shows he's not such a bad critic by actually describing the dish quite well. Really. I'm not lying-I actually am complimenting him. Check it out. BUT he also includes phrases such as "to die for" and "mmm delcisious" frankly this creeps me out more than kethcup and the movie hannibal combined. It also makes me think Bronstein is trapped in an 80 year old woman's body.

MariscaDA notes-WOW!! I haven't seen the critic this excited since he dreamed of customizing his kitchen just like the sussman's. (yes,he really said this. He also has a food blog). Again, a good description. If we could do without the futile attmpets at humor,we might have something here.

I'm running out of time, so I'll leave it at this. I'm sorry to crush the critic again,but his reviews are the more inconsistent that Gus Frerrote ( I feel like I've used that joke before, sorry gus). Some are good, some aren't. This was not. The scores:

Usefulness: 4-actually good content,just poor writing

Value added: 3- i'd try this place. i think that's the critic's point. If not, I don't want to know what his point is.....

Decipherability:2- Anyone have any better ideas for a category here?

Humor/ value added-0: This is as close as I have come to a negative rating. That would just be cruel though. I hope next week is better-but I just looked at the title-"kobe club, if you're straight gangstaaaaaa"-stay tuned. should be interesting.

Total Score: 9/20