perilla-one big slurp

For those of you who are not familiar with the term "slurp", it basically means "dick eat." If you can't figure out why, well, think about it. If you still can't figure it out, high school must have been rough for you. Why is this relevant-well,the last time I witnessed a public slurping as hard core as Josh slurping this random guy who won Top Chef was big sal and that tri delt girl in Kalmus' room junior year (true story). Seriously, no one cares who this guy is, or the fact that you happened to be in the same room as him. The writing is also cornier than Saved by the bell the new class.

spicy meatball dish notes-well, the main positive is that the critic describes the meatballs in such detail i feel like I was at the table. They do sound good, and if i go to perilla, I'll take his advice on these. The main negative is that I'm pretty sure it's illegal for any guy to go on and on this much about any type of "balls." Between that and all the slurping going on I'm not sure if I'm reading a review of a restaurant or the script to a sequel of Cuba Gooding and Horatio Sanz's movie "boat trip"

pork bellies notes-well, not to tear the critic apart, but this is where his inexperience as a writer is really exposed. Rather than describe what could be an interesting dish, the critic rambles on about a Penn State finance class. I still don't really know what pork bellies or, or how they taste. This is worse than that book report on Tigers I've alluded to in past blogs.

Chatham cod notes: Remarkably, the review includes this quote "I must admit I am not a huge olive fan to begin with, so my opinion here is not valid. " To me, this is astonishing. Why am I reading your blog if your opinion is worthless? While watching the Saints Vikings Monday night game, I just heard the infamous Ed Hocculi go on and on about how a false start prevailed over the other 6 penalties on the play. Somehow, that made more sense then the critic's work so far.

Trgger fish notes: Finally. a good section here. The critic does a really nice job of describing Trigger fish (sounds kind of made up to me) and what it taste's like. Where has this been for the first 90% of the blog? The critic then closes by slurping the dude who owns the restaraunt some more ( OMG he was there there the same night as Bronstein was!!! That's shocking seeing that he owns the restaurant and all) I want the past 30 minutes of my life back.

Well, this was not good work. Worse yet it was creepy. Remember in 90210 after Kelly has the coke problem and she brings home that random girl to live in the beach house,and everyone's bugged out because the girl is clearly obsessed with Kelly and even cuts her hair the same way? I'm slighlty concerned if you fast forward 15 years and substitute the 2 girls for Bronstein and this top chef winning guy you'd have the same situation. right down to Bronstien attempting suicide with the chef guy tied up next to him. Not good times. On to the scores.

Usefulness: 1-Before reading this i knew josh really liked and admired chefs. I didn't need to read this to find out.

Value added: 1-no comment

Decipherability: 3- This category makes no sense, I just need another category.

Humor/ value added-3-it may not be 100% intentional,but to some degree it was an enjoyable read. I apologize if it seems harsh,but sometimes negative reinforcement is necessary. I'm confident the critic will bounce back in review #6.

Total score: 8/20